So here is the deal, guys: I have been keeping very, very, quiet about this fic, because I initially dashed the main body of it off some time last year on a filthy-minded lark, and we weren’t ever particularly sure what to do with it. But I poked Taz and suggested that with a bit of polishing it could serve nicely as a final capstone to the Hemostuck series—or, at least, the part of it concerning the romantic disaster that Eridan, Karkat, and Sollux mutually comprise. So I spent the last few days updating the thing and doing some pictures and here we are: the end. For now.
(they touch butts)
Anonymous asked: anybeast crossing oh my goddddd
(in reference to this post)
This is how I always imagine Alternian working: heavily synthetic, heavily agglutinative.
Alternian is like Japanese in having two writing systems: one alphabetic, which is the mirror-Daedric we see in the comic, and one logographic. Mirror-Daedric is used for proper nouns, including personal names and things like ‘Trollian’ and ‘sylladex’, and also by young trolls learning to read and write. The other system is used for everything else. The reason most animal names on Alternia get rendered in English as ‘hoofbeast’, ‘musclebeast’, etc. is because they’re written with two logograms: ‘hoof’/’muscle’ + ‘beast’. So the general class of living creatures other than trolls is indicated by combining the indefinite morpheme, ‘some/any’, with ‘beast’. The Alternian for ‘foal’ is ‘young’ + ‘muscle’ + ‘beast’. It’s an incredibly compact language: ‘look at that dog!’ in Alternian would be written with two sign-units, [look at + imperative suffix] [demonstrative prefix + bark + beast + accusative suffix]. It also means the language’s core pool of vocabulary is relatively small, since most of the lexicon is formed by sticking base units together, which works well for a conqueror species not all that interested in expanding their linguistic horizons.
This explains a bunch of other stuff. Weird periphrases like ‘nutrition plateau’ are literal representations of the Alternian [food/nutrition + flat object]; you could combine the same ‘flat object’ morpheme with the ‘furniture’ morpheme to get ‘table’, or with the ‘mountain’ morpheme to get the actual English plateau. Terezi coins names for her scalemates ([scale + sentient creature you do not want to kill or have sex with], the latter roughly equivalent to English ‘friend’) by combining [berry + breath], [lemon + snout], etc. Karkat’s distinctive speech pattern is actually that, rather like Dave, he loves long agglutinative chains: ‘worthless crotchstained barfpuppet’ would be a single sign-unit in Alternian, [negative prefix + value + groin + stain/smear + vomit + puppet]. It’s not really clear how any of those relate to each other, and you could equally well translate it as ‘worthless puppet whose crotch is stained with vomit’; Karkat just piles words on top of each other for effect.
Terezi thinks Dave is a [troll between the stages of grubhood and full maturity + cool/radical/awesome].
ceruleanvulpine asked: I really like that headcanon, but how would you fit in the more straightforward terms the higher-blood trolls use?
Archaism. Assume that the pool of core meaning-units has actually reduced over time, on the principle that all languages eventually simplify down. Old single morphemes got phased out and replaced with the easier-to-remember compounds. There was once a single dedicated morpheme for ‘large vessel you wash yourself in’, Eng. bath, but it was much easier just to say ‘[washing + container large enough to hold a non-dismembered troll]’, hence ablution trap. As such, using the old single morphemes is a mark of fancy, flowery diction. Think of how in English we actually have special words meaning ‘from where’ and ‘to where’, whence and whither, but using them now makes you sound like you’re in a 19th-century novel because everyone’s switched to the isolate forms.
Please do not ask me about load gaper. It gets kind of biological at that point.
I think that unlike with (english speaking) humans, where precise diction and technical vocabulary are a mark of education and therefore class and therefore privilege since poor people have historically been denied educational opportunities, trolls have— and have had— some form of universal education for a hell of a long time. So their upper-class marker is the privilege of making everyone else decode what the fuck they’re talking about. Highbloods get to use slang and abuse puns and be opaque––lowbloods to make sense and be clear and intelligible to their superiors. Nondescriptive terms are snooty.
Tavros and Karkat emphatically have large vocabularies, and employ some of the most clunky and unpleasant overexplaining phrases of the cast, with Kanaya as a close third––when she’s nervous. And especially when she’s talking to Rose or Vriska. Feferi’s indignant when Jade asks her to speak more plainly, and says she’s ‘peasant-ificated’ herself, humbled herself, which fits the context of superiors getting to demand coherence from their inferiors without having to return the favor.
Then you see Meenah, and Her Imperious Condescension, flat-out talk like gangsters while Gamzee and Kurloz talk like juggalos. Exceptions to the rule: Cronus is pretending to be human. Aranea’s bookish, well-meaning, interested in at least the outward tenants of the Sufferer, and talks like a schoolfeed, while Vriska seems to wobble between psycho cheerleader and Captain Morgan commercial––maybe the eight puns are enough for her? She uses ‘aint’s’, especially when talking to Terezi and Aradia.
I don’t really know what’s up with Eridan, though, pretty sure he doesn’t even use ‘aint’s’ in canon, though he clips his g’s and uses more typically british words like ‘bloody’ and ‘poppycock’ and ‘claptrap’. The idea of Eridan affecting a cockney accent is completely satisfying just for the thought of him saying ‘ello ello wwots all this then’ to Dave, who would then expire from sheer incredulous delight. Anyway maybe Karkat’s rubbed off on the little twerp, or maybe it’s just one more piece of the seadweller-who-doesn’t-swim-and-has-a-suspicious-amount-of-lowblood-friends-for-a-genocidal-maniac puzzle.
how far do i have to play in OFF before i get to the black and white teddy bear?
the trolls don’t come in till act V, but the first four are really good too so don’t skip them!
I was actually quite entertained by this
why is this so great?
Vihart! :D I love her videos!
I may be in love with this girl and her thought process.
Also, she may also be my new headcanon Rose voice.
THINGS I LIKE
- BRO AND ROSE DOING FATHER/DAUGHTER STUFF
- BRO AND ROSE TEAMING UP TO TORMENT DAVE
- DAVE AND MOM DOING MOTHER/SON STUFF
- ALL STRIDERS AND LALONDES BEING A GIANT DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY TOGETHER AND HAVING CHRISTMAS TOGETHER AND IRONICALLY BAD BIRTHDAY PARTIES WITH WIZARD HATS AND LITTLE UMBRELLAS IN ALL THE DRINKS AND MOVIE MARATHONS AND STRILONDES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sober gamzee for zombie walk
WHERE DO YOU LIVE
JFC THAT IS TERRIFYING
NOT SURE WHY I NEVER DREW GHOST ARADIA BEFORE
still one of the designs that i find the cutest in hs
Hetalia: holy macaroni, what happened?